


Five Times Jim and Spock Broke Up

by Lynns118



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Break Up, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Makeup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-11
Updated: 2012-09-11
Packaged: 2017-11-14 01:46:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/510002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lynns118/pseuds/Lynns118
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just as the title suggests, Five Times Jim and Spoke Broke Up (and one time they didn't)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Jim and Spock Broke Up

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Mushy ending....like really, really, mushy, schmoopy ending...
> 
> Author’s Note: A big thanks to proudcockatrice (live journal user) , who was a great beta-reader and helped out this story a lot in terms of actually producing a readable version of this story. Who knew one could make so many mistakes in just 4,500 words? Any and all remaining mistakes are my responsibility
> 
> AN2: This idea actually came from a much longer story that will most likely never get finished (I have about 30 stories on my hard drive from various fandoms that will most likely never get posted). Anyway, the story was about Jim’s inability to believe he is in love, and him and Spock’s relationship, and Jim just being in all sorts of denial…So, I just took some of that and put it in this story…Hope at least someone enjoys it

5

The first time Jim and Spock broke up didn't really count. At least, that's what Jim thinks. It didn't count because they weren't actually together. They had a somewhat strange arrangement – an arrangement of which even Jim questioned the beginnings. Spock would get tense, and he pretty much scared the shit out of any being that crossed his path. Uhura and Spock had broken up about two days after the Enterprise launched, so there was no one that Jim could suggest to release some 'tension' from Spock's body. So, naturally, Jim had taken on the challenge himself. 

Actually, Jim had no idea what he was doing when, one day, a couple of months into their five-year mission, he decided to confront Spock. Seriously, he had simply wanted to get the stick out of Spock's ass, and so was very surprised when one of their arguments turned into them very roughly getting each other off with their hands. 

It wasn't anything spectacular, and maybe that was why Jim allowed it to continue. It was simply the captain and the first officer making sure that the stress of the job had a healthy release. Besides, Jim was pretty sure that it was Spock who made the first move after the…first move. So, really, if Spock was okay with their little arrangement, Jim felt no need to put a stop to it.

The thing is, though, that Jim really liked getting off, and he found that he really liked getting Spock off – in fact, the thought was almost intoxicating. It was this intoxication that seized them, one night, and they neglected to make it to either of their quarters, before attacking each other with their hands and mouths, in the hallway. Jim figured it was safe because they weren't on a high traffic deck, and it was mid-gamma-shift, so there wasn't a soul in sight. 

Except, apparently, an ensign who was trying to impress Scotty by fixing a communications console, decided that was the perfect time to do it, and in so doing, got a nice view of his senior officers making out in the hallway. Spock was the first to notice the ensign, so he was the one to push Jim across the hallway.

Jim would have laughed at the expression on the ensign's face if it weren't for the sort of horrified look in Spock's eyes – horrified for a Vulcan, anyway.

"Um, s-sirs," the ensign stuttered, and Jim wondered if the poor kid thought he wasn't going to survive the incident. 

Jim rubbed the back of his neck and sneaked a glance at Spock, only to realize that Spock was avoiding his gaze. Jim let out a sigh of resignation, feeling like their little 'letting off steam' sessions were about to end. Jim looked at the ensign, "Dismissed". The ensign practically ran from the scene without a backwards glance. 

"So, I guess we should stop this, huh?"

Spock stilled, his hands straightening his uniform. "That would be the most logical course of action."

Spock always seemed to be right, and even though a faint echo of disappointment coursed through him, Jim 'hmmed' in agreement anyway.

That break up lasted about 6 days. 

**

4

The second time they broke up was in front of the entire crew. Well, maybe not the entire crew, but a good amount of audience in the mess hall. Jim was unsure as to how many of the crew had suspected that what was going on between him and Spock, but if they hadn't guessed, they then knew for certain.

It was their first argument. Well, actually, far from their first argument, but their first argument concerning their relationship.

Spock was quoting regulations about the conditions under which the captain of a starship should personally engage in away missions, and how Jim should allow others to take his place.

"I do not understand why you remain stubborn on this subject. You are the captain of the Enterprise, and therefore should make appropriate use of your fellow officers instead of insisting upon going on 'adventures'. Your behavior causes you to appear irresponsible, in regard to your duties as captain."

Jim tried not to show how much that statement hurt. He clasped his hands in front of him, lowering his voice a fraction, he responded, "Hey, I get that away missions can be difficult, which may be an argument as to why I should be going instead of sending my crew in my place."

"I do not know why you persist in ignoring the point I am attempting to convey, at this juncture."

"Yeah, well, maybe if you would just say, 'Jim, I'm concerned for your safety,' I'd be a lot more receptive. But noooooo, you have to be a dick about it and quote regulations and make me feel like you care more about regulations than about the guy you're fucking!"

Spock's eyes widened a fraction, probably only noticeable to Jim. "You believe me cold?"

"There is no 'believing', there is only knowing. Of course, I'm sure you don't believe me capable of knowing anything. Why don't you quote me some statistic on how often I am wrong or how often you've had to save me from myself."

"I would not want to subject you to statistics that you will neither regard nor comprehend. I believe this discussion is over."

Jim clenched his jaw, watching as Spock stood up. He was so sick of Spock, and his all-knowing bullshit and always being right. "Sit down, Spock. This discussion isn't over."

Spock's dark eyes glared at Jim. "I believe I have said what I needed to say, and you have made your feelings very clear. I will not join you in your quarters tonight, and you may have your 'adventures' to keep you company." With that, Spock turned and started to walk out of the mess hall.

"Well," Jim called out loudly, "then you'll have do without your blowjobs, because you're never getting one from me again!!"

Spock froze, turning only slightly. "I believe the correct phrasing is in response to such a threat is 'good riddance'." Spock turned sharply on his heel and left the mess hall.

That break up lasted 3 months, because if there is one thing Jim doesn't take lightly, it's insinuations that he lacks sexual skills. 

 

**

3

The third time they broke up is a time that Jim does not look back on with fond memories – not that he generally regards his break-ups fondly, but this one even less so than most. He remembers feeling betrayal, anger, and disbelief. He remembers not knowing exactly what to think as the view screen of the Enterprise showed the face of a young Vulcan woman, beautiful and cold. ...Remembers listening to Spock exchange words with her: "parted from me and never parted, never and always touching and touched.”...Remembers asking who the woman was, remembers the shock he felt when Spock answered him. And he remembers most how Spock avoided his gaze. 

It had bothered Jim, before, when he thought this situation was just a fucked up booty call, because apparently his human body wouldn't be able to handle a relationship, Vulcan-style. So yeah, that was fucked up. But, now it was something else. Something much more personal.

Jim had excused himself from the bridge, putting Sulu in charge, since Spock had already excused himself as unfit for duty. Jim didn't shift from his rigid stance, in his quarters, when he heard his door open and shut.

"You're married?" Jim wanted to shout the words, in indignation. Instead, he whispered them so quietly that only Spock's Vulcan hearing enabled him to perceive the question.

"It…It is not a marriage. More than a betrothal, less than an actual marriage."

"When were you planning on telling me this?"

Spock hesitated, and Jim felt the anger twist inside him. It was better to be angry, at this moment. Anything else would be too painful.

"I had hoped that my mixed heritage would prevent this moment from coming about."

"Yeah, well, I guess it didn't."

"No. It did not."

Jim closed his eyes. When he opened them he was staring out the window, watching as the ship left the stars behind in a way that made it feel as if the stars were moving themselves, and not the ship.

He turned slightly, seeing Spock's reflection, his downward gaze, hands clasped behind him, posture as straight as ever. Spock's face was expressionless, but Jim knew better than that. 

Jim had never thought of himself as someone who let go of something without a fight. Especially something, someone, whom Jim lov…But then this wasn't a normal circumstance. There had been no normal circumstances since Jim had become captain. Spock wasn't in the right, in this situation, and Jim knew it, but that didn't make him feel any better about it.

Spock had betrayed him, and Jim felt it deep within him, something that ached and made it almost impossible for him to breathe. 

Jim couldn't think of any one person who had made him feel this way, and the fact that it was someone who, the last few years, he had learned to trust and to rely on was not something Jim cared to think about. There was also the fact that Spock was dying, and would be dead if he didn't go through this ritual. The solution to this problem was actually very…logical.

"We'll get to New Vulcan in two days. You will beam down to your…wife," Jim had to spit the word out to get it through. "How long will you need?"

There was silence, and Jim closed his eyes again. He grabbed on to the anger he had felt earlier, held on to it with all his might, because the alternative was not an option. He and Spock would be done with, and maybe it was better that way.

"I should need no more than three days."

Jim nodded. "And you'll be able to return as First Officer to the Enterprise?"

"Yes."

"Good." Because even as anger and betrayal burned in Jim's stomach, he was also able to acknowledge that he would not be able to deal with completely losing Spock. Jim gave a small nod, his eyes still closed. He wanted to add the final blow of 'dismissed', but he couldn't bring himself to say it. It didn't matter though, because Spock seemed to hear it, just the same, and he was soon out of their…of Jim's quarters.

Jim told himself he didn't care, that he knew the whole him and Spock thing had only been temporary anyway, and that this was all just the inevitable coming to pass. But, there was a deep ache in his chest and for a second Jim thought he would pass out because he couldn't breathe. His eyes watered slightly, but he told himself it was only because he was over-tired.

Later, when things worked out in a way that led to T'Pring challenging Spock, and Spock thinking he had killed Jim, there were a lot of words that needed to be said, but none of them were. Instead, they had spent several weeks tiptoeing around each other.

It was, at last, a nightmare that drove Spock to Jim's quarters, and the details of the nightmare quickly became irrelevant. Jim wasn't quite sure how he would handle thinking he had killed Spock, but he'd bet it would have been in a much more destructive way. 

Spock had only gotten the words, "I'm sorry" out, so different than Spock's usual 'I would like to apologize' and the words were spoken with such emotion, that Jim had lost control. He had grabbed Spock, and that had been it. 

That break up had lasted 5 weeks, and later that night, Jim allowed himself to lay beside Spock and wondered when he gotten in so far over his head with his first officer, and if he should be worried. 

**  
2

The fourth time they broke up, Spock ended it, directly and unexpectedly. Jim was lying in sickbay, at the end of the mission gone completely wrong, when he woke up groggy and disoriented. He barely remembered what happened – just some vague memories of a planet never visited before, a transporter malfunction, and natives who wanted a sacrifice. Apparently being blond had made Jim a prime target for said sacrifice, and Jim had an idle thought of dyeing his hair black. The thought made him grin, which sort of clued him in to the fact that Bones had him on the really good stuff.

Jim had ended this daring adventure severely beaten, with multiple broken bones and stab wounds. He had doctor's orders to stay in sickbay for at least a week, with another two weeks of recuperation in his quarters and steady physical therapy appointments. If that wasn't bad enough, Spock had avoided Jim throughout his recovery in sickbay, and Jim couldn't figure out why. Yeah, Spock was acting captain, but that hadn't stopped him from visiting Jim in the infirmary before. But, Jim wasn't going to complain, because that would indicate that he wanted or needed Spock with him, and that just wasn't true. No, instead, he just thought it was common courtesy to visit one's commanding officer, after that officer nearly died. 

The day Jim was scheduled to be released from sickbay, he'd been about to complain, when Spock finally appeared. Jim bit back his surprise, and his relief. Sure, Spock was sort of distant, but he stayed to help Jim, in any way necessary, over the next several days of his recuperation, so Jim just pushed all those things aside.

So, it was sort of a surprise when, one day, while Jim was looking over a few reports, feeling very proud of the fact that he had made it the whole day without feeling dizzy, he heard, "I believe this is an appropriate time to terminate our present relationship status."

Jim paused from his reading and looked up, furrowing his brow, because he wasn't quite sure he understood what Spock had just said. "In what way?"

"While I have…enjoyed the time that we have spent together, I believe that now would be a logical time to terminate our less than professional association, and I propose that continue as we were when the mission first began."

Jim frowned and didn't move for several moments. He wasn't dumb, contrary to the opinion of the Klingons, lots of Romulans, and several members of the admiralty. So he was able to figure out what this was about without diagrams or anybody telling him point blank.

"No," Jim replied. He put down his cup of coffee but went back to reading the report he had in hand. 

"I…your response does not make sense, as my statement was not a question."

Jim shrugged. "I'm saying, no, because you want to run because you're scared. I almost died, and now you're freaking out. Which is fine. You can freak out all you want. And you can break up with me if you want, but I'm not going to break up with you just because you say so."

There was a long moment of silence, after which Jim looked up to find Spock's jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed. This was analagous to a full-blown temper tantrum for Spock, and Jim had to hold himself from stepping back.

"While it is preferable for both involved parties to accept the conclusion of the relationship, I have been informed that it is not always necessary. I must inform you that my decision stands."

"And I regret to inform you that I'm still not breaking up with you. Sorry." Jim shrugged, walking slowly back towards his bed. He could see that Spock was fighting the urge to come and help him, as he was still a little unsteady on his feet. He wasn't sure if Spock had decided not to help him because he knew that Jim needed to do it on his own and regain his strength, or if he was just pissed at him.

Jim sat on the bed. His energy levels were still a little bit unstable. He heard soft footsteps, then looked up to see Spock, giving him a disapproving glare.

"You are most stubborn."

Jim smiled, and grabbed Spock's hand and tugged. Spock knelt down and settled himself on his knees. "Yeah, well, so are you. I was sort of thinking this was gonna become a week long disagreement."

"I…My acquiescence to your argument is most likely due to my reluctance to consider my own proposal, in the first place."

"Plus my mad logic skills?"

"Your argument had no visible logic. In this instance, I am right in my thinking that things would be easier for both of us we were not so close. But, I find that, in this instance, I am not opposed to taking the less logical course of action."

"You know," Jim said, hesitating a little at about what he was going to say. "You know, next time you want to make a proposal," he cleared his throat, "I wouldn't be opposed to one of a different nature."

Spock looked at him steadily, then raised himself to place a soft kiss on Jim's lips.

So, their fourth break up lasted about one minute.

 

**  
1

The fifth time they broke up, it was about nothing and everything, and Jim had a hard time remembering what had motivated the event. Tension had been building between them for the last few months. Too many things had gone unsaid, too many things had been pushed aside, waiting for another time to be brought up, only to find there was never any time left.

Jim didn't know, for sure, what he felt. He knew he should feel something, anything but the numbness that seemed to possess him. 

Jim laid in his bed. He reached behind him, holding out his hand. "Stay?"

He and Spock had just broken up, and Jim was in denial about it, knew he was in denial, but that didn't matter, because Jim felt Spock clasp his hand. They had exchanged words designed to hurt, and the words had done just that. Jim didn't even know what had been going through his mind during their argument. 

"Yeah, well, if you hate it so much being with me so much then maybe you shouldn't be!"

"Perhaps you are right."

The silence that followed was ominous, and him and Spock stared at the other for what seemed like forever. It had been too long since he and Spock actually were able to talk, without being interrupted or without it ending up as an argument. Who ever had invented the phrase, 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder,' clearly had never been so emotionally distanced from their lover. Jim knew that things had been building to this point for a long time. 

They didn't talk anymore, didn't listen. There was something filling up the space between him and Spock, and it wasn't anything it good. And now…now they were at an impasse. They both had just basically agreed to separate and now, Jim felt so emotionally drained he felt like he could sleep forever. He didn't want what should have been between him and Spock to end; he just wanted whatever had taken its place and was keeping them apart to end. Unfortunately the thing that was keeping them apart, this time, was them. 

He stared at Spock for several long moments before he looked away. Both of them were silent, unsure how to proceed. Jim threw himself on the bed. He turned on his side, facing away from Spock, away from the door he could hear Spock walking toward. 

"Spock..." Jim barely whispered it, but he knew he was heard. He held out his hand. "Stay?" 

He didn't know what he expected to happen, but he prepared for the worst – to hear the sound of the quiet sound of the door opening, and Spock's footsteps walking out the door, as it hissed closed. 

Instead, he heard the footsteps come closer, and the bed dipped as Spock sat, not touching him, but close enough that Jim could feel the heat. They sat like that for a long time. The fifth time they broke up lasted one night. The next day they sat down and talked, for the first time in a long time, about all the things that needed to be said. 

**  
+1

Spock was wrong. There was a time when Spock thought that there was nothing more prized, more precious to James T. Kirk, than the Enterprise. Spock had stayed up many nights with him, while Jim would tell stories that were somewhat unnecessary, as Spock had been present for so many of them. But, Jim would tell stories of the Enterprise's adventures, and he would tell them with such exhilaration, such passion, that Spock never opened his mouth to correct Jim, no matter how exaggerated the stories became, no matter how different from real facts of the mission. Spock would stay up with Jim, letting the captain regale him with stories. He would be fascinated by the tales, even though he knew some of the stories did not represent the facts of the events in question. He would listen to Jim's voice, watch his eyes light up, watch his lips as he grinned and smirked …

So, after their five year mission, when the admiralty made known that they did not approve of the relationship between the captain of the Enterprise, and one of the survivors of Vulcan, and when they threatened to decommission both Kirk and Spock if they did not discontinue their relationship, Spock fully expected that Jim would come to his assigned quarters, and tell him that they needed to end their relationship.

Spock would, of course, understand, if he did not fully agree. He knew the happiness that shone in Jim's eyes when he was home, in the Captain's chair of the Enterprise. He would never want to deprive Jim of such a thing. 

It was hours after their meeting with the admiralty, and Spock sat cross-legged, trying to meditate. Jim had smiled sadly at him, and walked away, claiming that he had a headache and would need time before he spoke with Spock again. Spock braced himself against the future conversation he knew would come. 

It was disconcerting, knowing he was about to lose something that had become such a part of him. He had thought about asking Jim to stay with him, to give up his career, to be with him, because Spock would do anything to make him happy. It was only the thought that Jim would not be happy unless captaining the Enterprise that stopped him from doing so. Spock wanted Jim happy, an emotion that Spock so often denied himself when with his t'hy'la. Any emotion was denied, and Spock felt shame for the years that he denied his feelings for Jim. 

Spock closed his eyes again, trying to find peace within all these emotions that swirled within him. He was on his second meditation breathing cycle when he heard the doors open. He turned his head and saw Jim smiling at him. It was then that he realized that Jim did not intend to break up with him.

"Hey," Jim whispered. He broke into a soft smile, one that comforted Spock more than his previous meditation attempts. 

"I had thought…"

Jim smirked. "Yes, I'm sure you analyzed the situation and the probabilities. I think…I think I made a mistake yesterday." Jim smiled the self-deprecating smile that Spock hated, because Jim should think of himself as so much more. "When I left you after the meeting with the Admirals, you believed I was deciding on whether or not to end things with you. That was my fault, because in actuality, I never had any intention of leaving you, or letting you leave me. The thought never even crossed my mind as a real possibility." Spock looked and saw the truth of the statement in Jim's eyes.

Jim smiled, a warm smile that, in the moment, seemed to exude an amount of content. "When I left yesterday, it wasn't to contemplate on whether I should leave you. No, it was to figure out a way to give the admirals hell for forcing me to make such a decision. I might lose the Enterprise. I might lose my career. Those thoughts crossed my mind, a million times or more. But, the thing is, well, the thing is that the thought of losing those…those things is nothing compared to the thought of losing you."

"And I know you, I know you were in here thinking of how if I broke up with you for this, how you wouldn't be mad because you know how much the Enterprise means to me. But that's it, you know? That's what makes you more important than anything, even more than the ship. I think about what it would be like to not captain the Enterprise and it…it hurts, because I'll be losing something important to me. But when I think about losing you…there are no words. I couldn't survive it, and I don't plan to. You are a much stronger being, Spock. I don't think I could willingly give you up, even if it was your choice to leave."

Spock crossed the small room, letting his hands cradle Jim's face. "I would have only done so for you, T'hy'la. Only for you." Jim's eyes closed, letting his face be cradled by Spock's palm, for a moment. 

"I don't think I ever believed in something like this," Jim put his hand in Spock's, letting their fingers intertwine, "until you showed me what…what it could be like." Jim squeezed Spock's hand. 

"I expect, then, that we will be fighting the admirals' decision to decommission us?"

Jim smirked, in a way that was so 'Kirk' that Spock could not help but give his own small smile. "If they're going to try to take the Enterprise away from us, we'll give them hell. We may not be successful, but it'll be worth the trouble it causes them. And if that doesn't work, it'll be you and me, me and you. We'll find a ship, and use it to cause all sorts of chaos and destruction, peace and benevolence. We'll be the 'dynamic duo'." Jim pulled Spock close to him. "It will be the two of us. And who could want more than that?"

Spock resisted voicing his usual statistics and being the voice of 'reason', as Jim would say. Despite all instincts to the contrary, he refrained, because the man he loved had professed a parallel love, a love that left Spock as the sole object of its domain, which was something that Spock had not expected.

They weren't perfect. They still had their problems, both issues dealing with their own past and dealing with their relationship. But, they were also t'hy'la, they were meant to be together. 

In the end, they had broken up five times, but had somehow found the strength to move past those instances. Now, Spock had been certain they would break up again, but he had never been happier to be wrong. They were together. He would make sure that, in the future, he and Jim would remember that was all they needed.

The End.


End file.
